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Sunday, January 21st, 2007
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9:39 pm
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9:24 pm
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| Wednesday, December 13th, 2006
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5:46 am - GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
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GGGGGGGGGGlllllluuuuuuuuuuuuu gun gun gun gun gun gun gun gun gun gun gun gun gun yeah
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGLLLLLLlllllluuuuuuuuuuuuuuu gun gun gun gun gun gun gun gun yeah
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGEGGGGGGGGGGGGLLLLLLLLLLLLllllooooooouuuuuuuuuuu gun gun gun gun gun gun yeah
ADDICT!
ADDICT!
ADDICT!
ADDICT!
ADDICT
ADDICT@
ADDICTION
11
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, December 11th, 2005
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11:09 pm - Clitoris Clitoris Clitoris
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Ah chawka chawka chawka chawka. Ahhhh chawka chawka. ?
GET THOSE CHOPSTICKS OUTTA MUH BRAAAAIN!
hello.
We Now Return You To Your Regularly Scheduled Freebortin.
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I'm a bored. 'N I'm a wanna cookie. But I'm a no gotta cookie. Very bad. Frowny frown.
But it okay. Cuz.... 'm 'Credible.
Yeah.
THE LAWD SEYZ "BORED + COOKIE = BAD". how can this be?
Nobody lissens.
News at 11.
People stoooooooooooooooooooooooopid.
Have feet. Walk aroun' onnim. Step step step step step. Make a whole world for stooooooopid people wifs feet. Smart people no fit in. Still have feet tho.
*wiggly pigglies*
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You ever consider how funny it is? To be afraid of a word? Like "Fuck"?
Not to be afraid of an answer, or news, or a "yes/no" etc. But to actually fear the WORD itself (..."and the word was god" John 1.1).
If I said loudly.... FUCK... FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK.... i could actually give old people heart attacks.
What is so embarassing? It's sex. It's human. Etc.
I dunno. There's so much shame and guilt built into our culture.
It seems to me that most of human history can be summed up by "And people were, and so they were ashamed". Eh.
WHEN WILL THIS DIE?
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purple furlple.
voodoo taboo.
no backwards is on.
like a little steeple.
what?
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DON'T TOUCH THAT!
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the stupid people won't understand.
isn't that what we're really saying?
"don't be that way, the older people who are ignorant won't understand because they're kinda dumb, not neccesarily bad, but they scare easily. look... FART!"
Old people: Aigh!
You've heard about how the Alien Overlords dropped a Psychic Guilt bomb on earth, right?
Don't feel bad for what you do... that can be forgibben by dah jeebytius...
just feel ashamed of things you can't help.
yeah.
what a world.
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MONKEY BOTTOM BLISTER BURN!
frazzmatazz
wjhateveralkjvlqeg;lrejf
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, December 10th, 2005
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7:31 pm - Guilt
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I never feel like I'm understood.
I feel like...
*Mark walks into a crowded room*
Mark: "The sky.... is blue."
Person in Crowd: HE SAYS THE SKY IS OFFWHITE!
Other Person: NO! HE SAID IT WAS PURPLE!
Crowd: NEVERTHELESS LET US KILL HIM FOR BEING WRONG!
*Mark running thru woods from crowd of villagers with pitchforks and torches*
This... has been my life.
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, December 9th, 2005
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6:03 am
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| Wednesday, December 7th, 2005
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8:18 pm - Room
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I want a room with walnut paneling and a scrumptious sofa... bigscreen tv, two bookshevles of faves and reference books... in which to eat pizza, nibble on snacks, and smoke.
It should have a tiny basketball hoop and nerfball, a dartboard, and such.
The lights will look like faux- mining lanterns.
There should be dust.
Large oak desk with 'puter, cigar box, and a window looking out on the oriental garden.
I will sit there in a smoking jacket or terrycloth robe... and scratch myself.
I want a hatrack, altho' I won't have hats. I'll hang clothes on it. Coats or sweaters. I just want a hatrack. Okay... so it'd be a coatrack. I'm not really sure of the difference. It'll be wood and have spiky struts for stuff onnit anyway.
The floors will be polished wood, with a large indian throwrug for the desk chair to sit on. There will be stickers stuck to the rug from things I've opened.
A small gaming table / oracle card table, a massaging recliner, and a magazine rack full of magazines of varying ages.
Urns.
And umbrella stand full of useless non-umbrella items.
A few stone statues on pedalstals and over the mantle. Fireplace of course. Rock (not brick) harth.
Small cot for naps.
A punching bag hanging from the cieling. (It's a big study).
Maybe a stuffed monkey somewhere.
And some kinda lavalampy-whitenoise-coloredwaterfally-energyglobey "mad scientist" apparatus/ light/whitenoise device. With candelabra.
The room should be haunted.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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6:30 pm
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I need intellectual stimulation.
I want orange sherbert.
I need and want... intellectual stimulation on the topic of orange sherbert.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, December 6th, 2005
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5:15 pm - (Flugelstein)
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Flugelsteiner. He's such a mad mad Flugelsteiner! WHoooooaaaaah Flugel!
So I now own seasons I thru V of Everybody Loves Raymond. Okay... I splurged in Tupelo... but I felt like it and I'm not broke.
Also got more incense, more chapstick, candles, and a pizza (just so I could eat out... and sorta to celebrate that within a day or two I should be able to exercize again-- the back is mostly better, but I'm giving it a few days cuz I've had it "feel totally better" before and then thrown it out the next day).
I really need a weekly check to accomodate my spending habits. I always wind up scrounging for the last two weeks of a month.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, December 5th, 2005
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9:00 pm - Maroon Coffee Cup
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I'm not even sure the show has started yet... but just from the commercials... I already want to kill everyone involved with "Daisy Does America".
It's reason enough for our planet to be bombed into extinction.
The Alien Overlords would have every right.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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6:10 pm
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| Sunday, December 4th, 2005
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11:36 am - Time
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I'm trying to feel my age again... because I'd fallen into the mindset of a senile pantalooned old geezer. And in trying to feel 37, I found I felt 27 because I'm finding I'm not as "old" as I've been acting mentally. My mind is more spry than I remembered (then again, I'm also off of drugs... which contributes to that I think).
But then you do a Crunch wrong... and you're hobbling around like you're 67.
This is called "aging".
FEAR IT!
It'll happen to you before you know it.
You just give up heroin for back-ache pills, women for porn, and good food for brussel sprouts.
Frankly, if I were already married and "settled down" somewhere I liked... maybe with a nice hundred thou in the bank... I'd just give up the physical ghost and give in to the slow ride to death. Enjoy it, as it were. But since I'm not where I'd like to be... I still have "stuff to do" and the slow ride to death will just have to wait.
But, tho' I'm not ancient yet... I tell yah... that little decade added from 27 to 37 physically... really makes a difference haha.
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, December 3rd, 2005
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7:05 pm - Ow Ow ow Ow Ow
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A sprung back can put a kibosh on any good mood.
Not that I'm down... I'm actually quite well :P
It's just I can't enjoy much right now because my back is constantly going "ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH".
I can't excersize for sure. I can't go to a movie (which was actually the plan for tonite... Pride and Prejudice... yeah, I know, "girl flick"... get off my case). I can't play video-games b/c I can't really "lean up" in the chair as is my wont when I'm in the video zone.
BUT... I can watch Everybody Loves Raymond. But it's not as fun cuz usually I excersize. But really mainly... it's just the back pain. It makes everything less enjoyable.
I didn't even really think I hurt it that bad. Just a "tweak"... but then I slept onnit, which if you have a bad back... you know how that goes. Woke up with it going "AAAAAIIIIIGGGGHH".
Cigs and Sour Apple cigars = Comfort.
I don't think this pillow in the chair is doing any good.
I want an ice-cream sundae.
I want comfort food haha. But I don't think that's a good diet idea. I'd kill for a pizza tho. Piezons. Plus a full stomach isn't good for your back anyway.
I need a girlfriend for massages. Not anything else. She can massage me then just go home. That'd be the life. Okay, maybe some sex. But then go home. heh. But I'm in no shape for sex now anyway cuz of the back.
STUPID BACK!
Hurt backs have always been good for reading tho.
Reading:
Knife of Dreams -- Robert Jordan
Pride and Prejudice -- Jane Austen
The Witches of Chiswick-- Robert Rankin
Lies, Inc. -- Phillip K. Dick
God & the New Physics -- Paul Davies
Once -- James Herbert
Mostly the first three.
Games I Want to be Playing:
Nexus: the Jupiter Incident
Silent Hill 4: the Room
Spongebob Squarepants: Employee of the Month
Reel Deal Vegas Casino
EVERYTHING... is good? Except the back.
I'm like... totally okay with everything. heh.
But hurty backs suck.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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6:08 pm - Ow...
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| Friday, December 2nd, 2005
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3:09 pm - Money, Shappin', and Suches-Sturfs
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Instead of fixing up my old car, there's talk of me just buying my dad's Dark Blue '94 Taurus. Which is a better car and would last longer.
Also, a better car would allow me to just go ahead and plan on getting a job (better-paying) in Tupelo... because I wouldn't be worried about wearing out my car. The car I have is only 2 years older... but it's like 5 times as in bad shape mileage-wise.
It'll cost me more money, but I won't have to worry wearing out the clunker and winding up having to buy another car anyway. The Taurus has no engine probs or anything etc. Plus, I kinda like it.
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Today I bought:
Friends season IX dvd.
White oxford shirt.
Maroon-Plaid buttonup.
Cheap watch (I want a better one, metallic gold-- matches my tones etc, something in a 100 dollar range, but I need "any ole watch" for now cuz I plan on getting out more, going to Tupelo to just hang or see a movie etc... and I need a watch. Brown faux-leather band, gold trim, face-watch).
New belt (since I now fit into 4 pairs of my jeans) basic brown.
Food, chapstick, Soma (muscle relaxant-- I pulled my back doing Crunches b/c I don't have any "tone" yet and I've always had lower back issues), new scales (non-digital), cigs, sour apple cigars, five new packs of incense (I lurve incense-- tho' I'm not much on the fruit or sweet smells besides maybe mulberry or blackberry-- which I got), boxers (since I finally can fit into some w/o... "falling out" issues haha, since my belly is somewhat smaller and isn't stretching it to where that'd be an issue), Deoderants and Body Sprays and the like (I was gonna get some new cologne, but I figure I'll wait since I still have 1/4 thing of Gravity anyway and that should last a month-- I just like to "smell nice" now that I'm actually trying to take care of my body/looks etc. haha... so I use it every day whether I'm going anywhere or not-- It makes me feel good.
Add to that that yesterday (I had money "saved up so I did my Tupelo shopping early, today was just Fulton shopping-- which is a small town with nothing but a Supercenter etc.)...
I got new shoes + Everybody Loves Raymond seasons I and III.
So I've shopped happily, and for once STILL have money left to both take care o' business for the rest of the month (food, gas, toiletries etc.) AND save money back, AND paid all my "bills" (such as they are), AND... have around a hundred bucks of cash to just "Go do stuff" with.
NEXT MONTH: I need to get a new phone, mine still "works" but it no longer rings. It just goes "clack clack clack" [which I didn't notice 'til I had to have someone call me back about something I wanted to buy]... and if I'm not within two feet of it or at my desk (where you can kinda feel the clack-ing) I can't tell it's ringing. But I'm waiting on this b/c phones are never a big issue for me and I want to save some money back besides "save up- car, etc." money... to just go to Tupelo and spaz with. I figure about a hundred bucks should do me for movies, gas, eating out etc. and if I found a book to buy etc. Plus I've got money saved back for "Normal Shit" like more food, and Everybody Loves Raymond season V when it comes out this month... so in other words, I'm doing better with my "practice" of managing money. AND... I'm still getting "Sturf" to entertain me.
I think mainly I just needed to stop wasting money on things I don't need or even want (Getting stuff just to get something so I won't be bored), wasting money on video-games I'm not even sure I'll like (which I usually don't), spending $150 at the bookstore monthly and only winding up with maybe 2-3 books I actually ENJOY, and buying movies I never watch anyway haha.
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Damn, I forgot to get "glasses wipes" and "Dust Remover" (canned 'puter air).
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, December 1st, 2005
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5:49 pm - Still With Gut, But...
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Okay, I can now fit into 4 of my 8 old pairs of jeans.
I'm wearing them around the house now to see how they affect my skin as opposed to jogs.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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10:26 am - Don't Eat All That Cake!
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Guess who has seasons One and Three of 'Everybody Loves Raymond'?
Among other things.
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I hung out last nite in Tupelo. Just with myself. I flirted with a girl named Liz (okay she was the greeter at a place but it counts). I ate Taco Bell (a sort of "treat" for me, tho' I stuck to low-cal stuff. Bean burritos and a taco and such). I drove around.
I neeeeeeed a joooooob.
But (insert bits about Weight and Car here). [Actually, I think it may be fixed sooner than I thought cuz dad's so gung ho about cars. He just told me he wants to take it to get fixed in "a few months" and however much it costs that I haven't saved... I can pay back. New tires 'n all.]
My Kleenex box is tie-dyed.
I have new sneakers. White.
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Amber Ass Amber Ass Amber Ass.
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Stuff is stuff.
I watched disc one (they're all five long) of Season one. Not my fave season (Season 5 comes out this month)... and now I'm excersizing to disc one of Season Three. I'm gonna go back and forth 1 and 3, one and three, I and III, etc.
IT'S DECEMBER!
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, November 29th, 2005
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1:02 pm - Karma
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This seems to be a nihilistic Universe.
But I refuse to live my Life, Live my Heart, Live my Mind... as if nothing has deeper meaning.
I've always been confused by the Cosmic. But rather than figure it out... maybe it's best to just find the flows in it. But you must be sure and let things flow rather than to decide where the river is leading.
For instance, perhaps you feel a sense of specialness between you and someone. Call it being Fated, Soulmates, Destiny, Karmic Connections... whatever.
And so you find that you prefer to feel a certain Destiny for you and them because of your own views, thoughts, or feelings about them. I've done this. It's a mistake.
That you feel a Cosmic Connection... may be real. However in deciding WHAT the Destiny IS... you're actually limiting the very flow of things.
If you feel you and someone are destined to be lovers for instance, perhaps you are merely destined to be good friends, or to create something together, or some other thing. By deciding that the connection you feel is a CERTAIN thing, rather than simply a special connection... actually limits, or can even prevent... the flow to where things are "supposed to be".
And not only that... not only does it limit or possibly dam the flow of your relationship with a person whom you obviously feel a karmic connection with... but it can also limit other "Destinies".
For instance if I feel cosmicly connected to someone, and I decide we would make good a good couple... and I intently limit (consciously or sub-consciously) the "destiny" I feel between us to a CERTAIN endframes, i.e. "love"... not only do I possibly miss out on where our relationship would have led us, but also if it's the wrong endframe then likely there's someone out there who IS your destiny for that thing (ex. "love") whom you may miss.
For this reason I open myself up to the flows of fate. I will not be inconfident in what I feel, but I will not let myself be limited or limit others to a certain way of being because I feel or desire it. I WILL BE OPEN TO ALL THINGS.
And the flows of "Fate" will lead me where they are "intended"... not where "I intend".
This doesn't mean you can't pursue any destiny with anyone, but it means that you cannot become "single-minded". You have to be open to all things.
I don't neccesarily believe in "Destiny", "Fate", "Karma" etc... but somehow I do believe in connections. However despite not believing in the former terms... I find it's best to look at things which are deep within in terms of them. If only for ease of understanding what you feel (Which is Shitfuck Hard for us Guyz anyway).
Feeling an emotion doesn't mean that particular emotion is the endpoint or guide to the "Fate" of you and anyone you feel a Cosmic Connection with. And not being open to Other Things... can not only dam up your relationship with them, but prevent you from seeing other Cosmic Connections you have with people.
I've done this before haha. And tho' I still feel the same way inside, I find I feel healthier and happier being open to all things.
If I feel a karmic link... if it "Feels" (whether such things be "factual" or not) that I share a destiny with someone... it may be that there is a destiny but it's not what I would wish or had thought of.
Perhaps rather than being one thing, you're meant to be another, or another, or another. Or perhaps you will be the thing you felt. But in any case... it's best to be OPEN to ALL "Permutations of Fate".
If you try to care, be honest, be a good person, and you're open to Life... then you WILL find your way to whatever destinies are "meant" for you and anyone. There WILL be a "Happy Ending", it just may not be the happy ending you expected.
Doesn't mean it won't... but it's a greater risk to limit things by far... than to "decide" you understand what it is.
It may be a nihilistic and meaningless Universe.
But I will live my Life, live my Heart, live my Mind... as if it is not.
And where I feel "connection" I will seek to follow the flow to where it goes. But I will not be so sure I know the destination. This doesn't mean I have to be inconfident in any way, I only have to believe that whatever GOOD things (And in a positive living of care one believes the destinations to be GOOD if you fight thru to them) I find for myself... I am deserving of any of them. However I do not "know" any particular destination to be "Fated". I only feel a Cosmic Connection worth flowing along with.
Que Sera Sera.
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, November 28th, 2005
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11:10 am - Windy
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I like weather like today. Cool, breezy, stormy, autumn.
Didn't gain over T-day (well 1/2 a pound)... still trending downwards but I don't know exactly how well b/c my scale is down. [Which is a story in itself, but I don't feel like going there].
Will get a new scale friday, non-battery.
Also plan to get any "Everybody Loves Raymond" dvds I can lay my hands on in Tupelo.
Several good books (Well, I HOPE they're good... I don't know which ones really. It's more of a general plan: "Get good books", than an actual known direction). I wish I could shop for clothes, but I'm not THAT skinny yet haha. I don't wanna waste money I could be saving for other things (fixing car etc.) on things I'll just have to replace anyway.
You can actually start to see the weight-loss in my overall size/face (more in the body than the face).
That's encouraging.
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, November 24th, 2005
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12:30 am - Turkey Day is Here.
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